Roughly 3 minutes and 3 seconds into Bruce Hornsby’s The Way It Is, Bruce whispers “that’s just the way it is.” So did I. But since I was wearing headphones, I said it out loud to the amusement of 3 men sitting beside me.
Plant the Life Of My Story App into Facebook to grow this seed into a weed
Speed Bag Scissorhands
There’s this guy at the gym. At first glance, he looks like a typical douche. Good-looking, tan & is constantly making conversations. When he’s not running for mayor, you can find him in the boxing section, hitting the speed bag for hours on end. “What’s his story?” I asked a friend of mine. I pictured him tanning after his workout. He flirts with the girl at the salon and takes her out to a rave on Saturday night. On Sundays, he gets together with a large extended family. He and his fellow kin dance to house music while waving glow sticks and drinking Rebull. I couldn’t have been more wrong. “That’s Speed Bag Scissorhands,” my friend said. “Speed Bag who?” I asked. “Yeah, Speed Bag Scissorhands. He has a website.” It was impossible to resist the urge. Speedbagscissorhands.com. This was not a gym-douche. This was something special. This man, who in my eyes was nothing more than your typical gym-tool just last week, is now my biggest hero.
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Sometimes briefs are better
My sister’s hair is wet at breakfast. “Don’t go outside like that,” says my grandfather, “It’s damp nasty out!” What a perfect name for a female rap artist. I imagine her as the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of Skeezers.
I’m in line at Marshalls when the woman next to me leaves her elderly mother with the cashier. “Don’t worry,” says the cashier, “I’ll babysit!” I imagined myself in her chair. Every wrinkle earned with age. And now she has to put up with this shit.
Comments
Feb 25 at 06:28 PM
oh my god this is fucking unbeleivable
Feb 25 at 06:29 PM
Trust me, I know. It’s amazing. He’s amazing. I can’t wait to meet him.
Feb 25 at 11:19 PM
Yes…I know this dude..see him strutting his stuff every week at Wow…now I know why ..LOL
Feb 26 at 10:16 PM
if any able bodied red blooded man had the skills that this guys got they would be strutting there stuff also and trust me knowbody does it with as much pride and respect as this cat he is truly a god given gift to us and should be embraced and respected as he gives us so much entertainment and does nothing but make us proud to be associated with him
Feb 26 at 10:45 PM
Speedbag Scissor hands is my hero. From the moment I layed eyes on his gorgeous triceps, I just knew…. He iS a MAN.
Feb 26 at 10:46 PM
SBSH is my new hero… wish I worked out at your gym. And i want one of those tee-shirts
Feb 26 at 10:48 PM
Show him the Scissor, get a shirt. Love it. If SBShands is reading this, please have a shirt ready at the gym for me.
Feb 26 at 11:05 PM
Yup you were totally wrong about SBSH…Glad you realized it! and admitted it. He is the sweetest guy you could ever meet. Far from a douche. He’s got mad skillz!!!! Very talented at what he does… He is no Situation!!! He is the REAL DEAL!!! Speed bagging is his game. LMFAO. Anyways i’m glad to call him a friend. I wear my shirt proudly at the gym!!! SBSH your my HERO!!!!
Feb 26 at 11:12 PM
Glad to see my post went over well. A few Speedbag enthusiasts. Be warned: no one at WOW is safe as a long as I’m watching. And I’m in the rafters, observing, seeing it all happen. If its ridiculous, I’ll post it. Happy working out!
= Kenny Doverman =
Feb 28 at 10:30 AM
My Homeboy - and his whole family is cool like that…WHAT:)
Love you kid!
Feb 28 at 08:57 PM
Lol, SBSH is awesome! He really thinks its cool that you wrote this. i learn techniques from him too. dont forget that he is a normal guy tho! Speed baggin is just a hobbie he likes.
Mar 01 at 08:42 PM
No one thinks this is a little bit weird?
Apr 28 at 03:10 AM
you the man, you go adam , you got your nitch wheres my shirt
Mar 31 at 02:07 PM
So many fags expressing their love for a pinhead hitting a balloon.