Roughly 3 minutes and 3 seconds into Bruce Hornsby’s The Way It Is, Bruce whispers “that’s just the way it is.” So did I. But since I was wearing headphones, I said it out loud to the amusement of 3 men sitting beside me.
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Say What
It’s 8 something in the morning and the bus is nearly empty. I’m tired and my eyelids close. “Is he a puppy or a full-grown dog?” The guy behind me is yelling into his cellphone. I want to strangle him. “KARATE?” Now the guy in front of me is on his cellphone and he’s more obnoxious: his speaker phone is turned way up and the person on the other end sounds like a muffled megaphone. Sure, I could have said something. But they’re middle-aged. Isn’t 30-40 years enough time to learn courtesy? So f*ck you both. I decided instead to record your outbursts and translate them as best as possible.
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Sometimes briefs are better
My sister’s hair is wet at breakfast. “Don’t go outside like that,” says my grandfather, “It’s damp nasty out!” What a perfect name for a female rap artist. I imagine her as the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of Skeezers.
I’m in line at Marshalls when the woman next to me leaves her elderly mother with the cashier. “Don’t worry,” says the cashier, “I’ll babysit!” I imagined myself in her chair. Every wrinkle earned with age. And now she has to put up with this shit.
Comments
Mar 26 at 06:05 AM
“I love circuses”....fabulous!
Mar 26 at 08:01 AM
<3 it.
Mar 26 at 08:49 AM
Hahaha!! One day you’re gonna get caught being sneaky with your cellfone. Until then keep up the good work!
Apr 06 at 07:08 PM
you crack me up!