Written By Ryan Wetter November 02, 2008 15 Comments

Cutting Loose

A Look at Queefing from a Male Perspective

Unlike unicorns, vaginal flatulence is a reality. Wikipedia defines vaginal flatulence as “an emission or expulsion of air from the vagina, often during or after sexual intercourse or other sexual acts, stretching or exercise. The sound is somewhat comparable to flatulence from the anus but does not involve waste gases and thus often has no specific odor associated.” Wikipedia neglects to mention that harnessing this ability for everyday use is possible with practice.

In 1999, Anthony Hopkins starred in the movie “Instinct”. Hopkins played the part of anthropologist Dr. Ethan Powell living amongst gorillas. Similar to Powell, I spent 1999 researching wild creatures in their natural environment. Accepted as one of their own, I witnessed a group of Catholic school girls attempting to master the art of vaginal flatulence, most commonly known as queefing.

I was gaining insight into the shameless lives of teenage females. The leader of the group was called “Queen La-queefa.” She led the swarm, teaching her attractive counterparts queefing as if it were a craft. “The secret,” according to the Queen, “is allowing air to enter.” She would lay back and collapse her abdomen. To the amazement of her students she’d thrust her hips forward creating noises distinct but similar to passing gas.

With her uncanny ability to queef, the Queen would mimic real-life occurrences. There was the barking dog, the hyena and the laughing child. On special occasions she lit cigarettes using vaginal inhalation. To see beautiful women queefing was both traumatic and enlightening. Women no longer surprise me and to see what happens in privacy of pajama parties was reassuring. Beautiful women are not perfect. They smell bad and make funny noises, but secrecy gives them god-like status in the eyes of admirers.

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Cutting Loose

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